& i just want to please please cry.
because it's the only way i can even write anything of decent stature.
it's depressing, being all limited in your element.
i can't do it anymore. so how can i?

i went to the little mountains today, & my gosh they were so beautiful.
so so splendid & colorful & raw & really really real.

i just want to write it all away, but it's almost impossible.

i want to write my heart out to you. but i'm scared you won't understand. i want to scream at you, but i'm afraid you won't hear me. then let me go away. to that field, where it's quite & simple. where the world stops at sun set & lets me write out all my ambitions and hurts.
today i was told what i have done is trash. & my heart burned at the words, as they etched into my brain in the tiniest of manuscript.
am i just another teenager to you? just another myspace-loving, computer-hogging, lovesick teenager?
i don't want to be. & i don't believe i am. so what about you?

maybe, perhaps the sky hurts also. a wound in the sky, yes.

ma journal entry. as of novembre 27, 2008
i would like pale lace curtains, jeweled headbands that look like crowns. & pearls. long strands. i love the grey clouds that seem to follow you int he months of winter. perhaps a bunny may follow me as well. creme, dusty brown, snow white, any colour is feasible. now it is cold from an open window. & the fog hangs low, so you cannot see your hand before your face. or maybe it is just wishful thinking. now i don't mean to sound dramatic - i rather not call attention to myself, actually. but there is a large difference between - isoloating yourself. & being isolated. i perhaps i dangle between the two. but i like the quiet. the loud is unbearable & i cannot handle hardly a peep! oh, well.
love, elle

i would very much like to hold your hand. play idly with your fingers & hum you sweet lulls that will soothe you deep in the soul. also, i would very much appreciate it if you learned my name, for my fascination with your eyes is hardly enough. i look to stare into those eyes endlessly, shamelessly. oh, those olive eyes...
how did god choose such a color?
it is merely three hours until i will be in heaven. for the twilight is upon us & i have been waiting for two years for this moment. twilight brightens up my day & lightens my night. yes. perhaps this boy is very much like edward... (:

love,

elle

this weekend i lived in lace & creme. it was lovely. (:
however, what is more fascinating is the amount of clothes i have in my closet. i truly mustn't be bias. i should get out all the unworn clothes soon! so i can receive that new room i've been wanting. yes. for i am unbelievably displeased with the shade of pink coating the walls... :(
all is good otherwise.
love,
elle

mummy bought me darling lamb slippers yesterday. (:
& i love that dear flightless bird... (:

i love you,
for no one seems to know me better. the world is cold & shameless. & you are warm & kind. i'll take you anywhere you ask me. & i'll pick up the mini stars that drift slowly to the ground on those cold nights. yes. snowflakes. i'll get you those even if we don't have them. because you're a silly boy who makes me feel my worth to my toes when you look at me in class. (: i feel like a little girl with a crush all over again. you're my best friend because i can talk & cuddle with you. & for more than a thousands days you have been my special friend.

love,

gabrielle

we must all heed caution. for the world... may be a terrible place...

oh & it's so difficult pretending you're not upset by the antics of this cruel world. where people's heart just bleed from hurt. scathed & tainted.
today is sad. sometimes i feel myself hit a wave of emotion & i want to cry & pour my heart out all by myself because i feel no one truly realizes who i am & what my intentions are. i have to hide this to myself often & i am a fake. i adore only the company of the piano instrumentals & my vast collection of paper. how do hopeless people live & what do birds think of?
i want the world to erupt in a fit of kindness that will last millions of lifetimes...

love, 

elle