& i just want to please please cry.
because it's the only way i can even write anything of decent stature.
it's depressing, being all limited in your element.
i can't do it anymore. so how can i?

i went to the little mountains today, & my gosh they were so beautiful.
so so splendid & colorful & raw & really really real.

i just want to write it all away, but it's almost impossible.